Couples Therapy: Essential Skills for Successful Marriage

For your relationship

Couples therapy for what you value most

No one gets into a relationship to get hurt, but it will happen. The question is not if you find yourselves struggling but what you do when it happens. You are here, and that's a good first sign. Marriage isn't easy, and that's true whether you are straight, queer, monogamous, poly or any other configuration of adults trying to build a life together.

There are a host of reasons why couples therapy might be helpful.

  • Trauma on the part of or one or the other partner can create great struggle and leave one or both of you feeling like you are constantly on alert for "land mines."
  • Differing values or backgrounds that create wildly different understandings of labor distribution, parenting choices, money management, or other values based choices. 
  • Communication difference can cause each partner to feel unseen, dismissed, or unheard.
  • And sometimes the truth is we simply get busy and forget in the midst of diapers, groceries, cleaning the bathroom for the 500th time, careers, caring for elderly parents, and all the other stressors of life what drew us to this other person in the first place. 

I am a queer celebrating couples therapist who operates from a Jungian perspective, utilizes EMDR for trauma, and is currently in the process of being Gottman trained. I work with couples seeking to communicate better, get on the same page, and build a healthy sustainable relationship.

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The soul of your relationship

  • Jungian couples therapists approach couples work with a special understanding: that there are three souls in every coupling; the two people, and the relationship itself. Your relationship is a living thing with needs which must be tended.
  • We pay attention to each of your backgrounds, gaining understanding about what you learned about relationships from your childhood, your values, communication patterns, expectations, and unconscious beliefs and assumptions.
  • We pay attention to the story/myth being played out in your relationship. Is one of you the princess trapped in the tower, while the other is the adventurous prince? Is one always in need of rescuing and the other the hero? Or is your story even more complicated than that?
  • We notice patterns (complexes) and the unspoken, unconscious way they play out over and over

How Your Relationship Heals

  • We create insight into your individual expectations, patterns, and background.
  • Understanding the hidden pitfalls (triggers, conflicts, unmatched values) casts light on what needs work.
  • We build friendship, shared meaning, and sound conflict skills.
  • Together we practice healthier communication patterns, and you will get weekly homework to work on together (and separately).
  • We will being to think about what stories you would like your relationship to tell and take conscious control of those patterns.
Couples therapy single seashell on beach

Care for Hurting couples

Build sustainable patterns, healthy communication, and heal together for a brighter future.

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Couples therapy: rocks in a stormy ocean

The data

  • 40% of divorces happen in the first 10 years of marriage [source]
  • Currently 40% of divorces include someone over the age of 50.  [source]
  • Couples that are most likely to stay together share three characteristics: an expression of fondness toward their partner, both partners express "we-ness," and positivity or happiness in their marriage. [source]
  • Conversely the single biggest predictor of divorce was the measure of a partner's disappointment with the marriage. [source]

Tools & Modalities

  • I am primarily a Jungian therapist and we will use Jungian concepts as we begin to understand the patterns that are both your relationships' strengths and its weaknesses.
  • Communication training & practice (in session and between).
  • Exploration of trauma (for the relationship & each member) & EMDR treatment. Yes, EMDR can be used with couples!
  • I have completed Gottman Level 1 training and utilize their data driven practices for healthy relationships.
  • Family systems exploration including genograms to better understand your unconscious differences.
Couples therapy: wet sand
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